we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
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I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
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I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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