Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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