You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
