The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
