Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
