Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
