My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
