I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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