FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
