Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
