So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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