Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize