now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
is this the sara with the beer cane?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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