These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
