that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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