just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize