Taylor Swift is so right about you.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
