So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
