On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
