Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
being pregnant is like rehab
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
