Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
