Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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