sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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