my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
