Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
