i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
