I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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