Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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