thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Someone shattered a urinal.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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