you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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