Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
