dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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