I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
