you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
