I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
