I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
