Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
