Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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