I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
