Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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