just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
