There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
