I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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