How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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