Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I am available for nakedness
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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