all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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