How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Buhtt sex?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
