The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
