i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
