ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
