U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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