He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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