Swine flu. Run for my life!
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
