Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
