Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
