how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
