i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
