I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
