My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
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Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
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I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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