so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
