I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
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She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
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The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize